I used to be a pastor

This evening I was the guest speaker at 24/7 church in Burlington where my friend Kip Philp is the pastor. They've been meeting for a little over a year now in what until quite recently was a fairly notorious dance club. It was good to b with the people there. It's a much more diverse congragation than I expected based on the location.

I really enjoyed having the opportunity to speak. It's been several months since I've done a sermon; and I realised how much I miss it.

A few years ago I really loved guest speaking. It was a rush to go somewhere new and meet new people. I confess I also liked the almost guaranteed affirmation that came after the service from having heart level conversations and praying with people who didn't really know me. It seems like everyone loves the unfamiliar voice; and of course they would usually get the best message I'd done over the previous several months...

I don't get so pumped for guesting anymore. I'm still happy to do it to help out and I think I have some ability/gift in communicating that I like to exercise. But really, without the ongoing relationship with the congregation there's a big piece missing for me. I want to be involved in seeing what God does among a group of people over time. Being able to teach strategically with a sense of long term momentum is a lot more gratifying now.

I wonder if I'll ever have that opportunity again.

I hate to be another guy who "used to be a pastor". Theologically I believe every Christian is equally a part of what God is doing, but at an emotional level I had a strong association with being the acknowledged leader of a church. Maybe that was a problem. Maybe God knows I need to find my identity only in being His adopted child, and not in what I do in any particular role. I always said pastor wasn't about the business card or paycheque but just expressing my sincere care for people. I guess now we'll find out if that's true.

I would love to work as a pastor again. I feel that way more strongly tonight than I have in a while. I love what I'm doing now with Catalyst Foundation too, no desire to do something else right now.

I do wonder though...